


Communication Error

by whalehuntingboyfriends



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - GTA, Fake AH Crew, GTA AU, just huge embarrassing misunderstandings all round
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:37:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3241580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whalehuntingboyfriends/pseuds/whalehuntingboyfriends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Geoff calls Ryan in the middle of the night professing his love, Ryan reaches one immediate, obvious conclusion: he’s drunk. </p><p>Except he’s not drunk the second time, or the third, and suddenly “Lone Wolf” Haywood is left re-evaluating his feelings for his boss, and, surprisingly, opening up to him more. There’s just one problem - there’s been a mix-up with their phones, and thanks to Team Same Voice, neither of them realise that Geoff thinks he’s talking to his boyfriend, Jack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Communication Error

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to houseofhaywood for the amazing prompt!
> 
> This is not set in the Sealand verse, although there may be some similarities in Ryan’s characterisation, as this was originally a suggestion for something that could happen in Sealand which I’ve instead written as a separate GTA story :)

Later Ryan would look back and wonder how, exactly, such a monumental misunderstanding could have occurred. How was it possible that a man who had been in a loving and committed relationship for four years should be unable to recognise his own boyfriend’s voice? How did two of the most notorious criminals in modern America manage to find themselves entangled in a drama more suitable to a teenaged soap opera? Who was to blame?

The answer to this last being, as usual: Gavin. Gavin was to blame.

It all began on a heist day, which was perhaps not surprising; heist days always felt different to other days. Everything had a heightened edge, the knowledge that soon they were gonna do something really fucking dangerous and really fucking illegal and _really, really fucking exciting_. Everyone got pumped up and emotions ran higher than usual and-

And today, Jack and Geoff were late.

It had been twenty minutes and the four of them were starting to get impatient, or at least, Ryan was; they should all have been here by now at the allocated meeting spot, a little hideout of theirs close to the bank they wanted to hit.

The lads didn’t seem too concerned. Michael and Gavin were necking on the couch and Ryan was growing increasingly more disgusted, and a little concerned about whether they were both getting enough air considering they appeared to have been surgically attached to each other’s faces for the past fifteen minutes. It was starting to grow tiresome because it seemed wherever he turned nowadays it was Michael and Gavin, making out and with their hands practically stuck down each other’s pants.

It was sweet at first, even he had to grudgingly admit that, because they had been dancing around each other a hell of a long time and it was a relief for _everybody_ when they finally properly got together, but the honeymoon period had been going on for three months now and Ryan was just about sick of it. He didn’t need to have ‘look how happy we are together’ shoved in his face every few minutes, thank you very much.

Ray, on the other hand, seemed delighted; he was sitting at the table opposite Ryan messing about with his rocket launcher, but he was barely focusing on that in favour of watching the others. There was something a bit strange about how transfixed he seemed by the sight of two of his closest friends with their tongues down each other’s throats. 

Ryan was doing something rather more productive by checking the traffic reports around the area when the door slammed open and Jack and Geoff strode in.

It became immediately apparent that something was wrong; you could cut the tension between them with a butter knife. Jack was glaring, sullen, arms folded across his chest and ignoring Ray’s half hearted greeting when he walked in; Geoff on the other hand was visibly seething. He strode past the couch and grabbed Gavin by the back of his shirt, yanking him up off Michael.

“Get up, assholes, we’re running late.”

“ _You’re_ running late,” Michael shot back, looking a little irritated at having his boyfriend so abruptly removed. “Where the fuck were you?”

“Stuck in traffic,” Geoff snapped. “You all ready to get going?”

Ryan stood up, shoving his phone back in his pocket.

“Been ready for twenty minutes now,” he replied. “But if traffic’s bad we should rework the escape route.”

“If we want to get this shit done on time we can’t rework _anything_ ,” Geoff said snippily, and Ryan tensed a little, annoyed, ready to argue back when Jack stepped in.

“Don’t be stupid, Geoff. There’s a difference between efficiency and rushing things.”

At which point Geoff scowled at Jack and Jack scowled back and it became very obvious that before they got here they were fighting. An awkward silence befell everybody, because everyone bickered, sure, and there was a healthy amount of snark and teasing that went on between the six of them, but proper fights were surprisingly few and far between - especially between those of them in relationships.

“I’m not rushing things. I just don’t think it’s necessary to change our entire plan at the last fucking minute.”

“Right, because it’s so much fucking better to get us all killed!” Jack threw his hands up and Ryan’s brows furrowed as he realised that this wasn’t about the heist at all but the carryover from some earlier argument.

He felt oddly unsettled, and wasn’t quite sure why. He had been in Geoff’s crew for a little under a year now, and didn’t know he and Jack quite as well as the others, who’d been there far longer - but Geoff and Jack had always been something _steady_ , their relationship a solid reassuring constant in all the chaos that surrounded them. That sort of commitment was rare in their world - something Ryan had scoffed at at first - but perhaps he hadn’t realised just how much he’d gotten use to it until suddenly it was threatened.

The lads were exchanging concerned glances; seeing the bosses fight was rare enough that they actually seemed stunned into silence, even Michael, and Ryan sighed as he stepped up.

“If you don’t mind,” he said - keeping his voice cold, because he _was_ annoyed by the disruption to their plans even if there was some unwanted level of concern under there - “Much as I enjoy the thrill of making plans on the fly, I don’t particularly feel like getting arrested today just because we can’t get down the road.”

Ray hefted his rocket launcher. “This is pretty good at clearing shit out of the way.”

“For God’s sake, Ray,” Geoff growled, obviously not in the mood for joking, “You’re not using the fucking rocket launcher in the middle of the city.”

“Just a suggestion,” Ray said - but he’d broken the tension, at least a little, and it seemed decided then that they needed to come up with an alternate getaway route, so they stepped up around the table to go over the map again.

It took them an hour before they were ready to go and by then the mood in the room had plummeted. Normally they were pumped up, excited, and Ryan couldn’t deny that he _liked_ that. After having worked alone for so long there was something exhilarating about pulling this shit with people who had fun with it. But no one was having fun now, not with Jack and Geoff ignoring each other, not rising to any of the others’ jokes despite Michael and Ray’s valiant attempts at keeping the tone light.

“Let’s fucking get going then,” Geoff said finally, and marched out of the room. Jack followed moments later, leaving the rest of them standing about.

“Well!” Michael declared, but did not expand any further. Gavin was staring after them with wide eyes. He’d usually be the first to make a joke out of any of this but the genuine anger between the two men seemed to have rattled him.

Ray, as usual, appeared mostly unbothered.

“Looks like Mommy and Daddy are fighting,” he said. “I’m guessing Geoff will want custody of Gav and Michael. Seems you and me are going to live with Jack then, Ryan.”

“Don’t be stupid, Ray,” Gavin said, sounding a little alarmed, “They’re not gonna bloody _split up_.”

“Relax, Vav, I was joking.” Ray reached out and squeezed Gavin’s shoulder and Ryan frowned a little; Ray was not normally the most touchy feely of people, _reassuring_ was not a word he’d ever use to describe him, but there was something oddly tender in the way his hand slid down Gavin’s arm when he pulled away. “Let’s hope getting away with half a million in cash cheers them up a bit, come on then.”

 

* * *

 

Geoff and Ryan were on cop watch this heist, which Ryan preferred. Much as he liked getting into the thick of the action, the whole ‘put your hands up and put the money in the bag’ thing was a bit trite for his taste - so sitting up on a roof with a sniper rifle getting ready to slot some pigs was much more his style.

Or it would have been, if Geoff wasn’t still in a fucking bad mood.

If he had just been fuming silently, that Ryan could have put up with. But no, like a child he was grumbling under his breath about every little thing.

“Stop cluttering up the line Gavin,” and “Jack you didn’t ask him to open the safe - ask him to open the fucking safe!” and “Hurry it up Michael - _hostages are getting out why are none of you on the back door_ -”

They were not on top form today, that was for sure, but Geoff really wasn’t improving the situation and Ryan turned to him with a glare.

“Time out,” he said. “Backseat driving this operation isn't helping.”

“Backseat driving!” Geoff cried. “Backseat _fucking_ driving! Are you forgetting who’s in charge of this crew?”

“ _Time out_ ,” Ryan repeated, more firmly. “I don’t know what’s got into you today-”

“I don’t know, Ryan, maybe I have a fuckload of shit on my plate to deal with running things and some of it is thanks to you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” There was a level of accusation in Geoff’s voice that Ryan didn’t like. He liked it even less when Geoff rounded on him angrily.

“You think I don’t know about your little murder spree last week?”

Ryan fell silent because _oh, right. That._ He’d nearly forgotten. Hadn’t thought it mattered that much, in the scheme of things; he’d had a bad day, had heard about a bunch of drug dealers fringing their territory so he’d gone to take care of it and blow off some steam at the same time.

“Yeah, _that_ ,” Geoff said, when Ryan didn’t answer - “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“They were a problem. So I got rid of it for you,” he replied, frostily, but Geoff was shaking his head now.

“I didn’t ask you to get rid of them, Jesus. You can’t do this anymore, Ryan, you can’t keep playing lone wolf. You work for _me_ now, you’re part of this crew - that means you can’t just keep doing what you want, when you want. You do shit like that, it reflects on me because people think _I_ ordered you to do it. Which I _didn’t_ ; turns out those guys were working with Ruby Crew - you know, the ones we’ve been trying to _ally_ ourselves with?”

Ryan went stiff. On the one hand resentment at being shouted at - but it wasn’t just that which had him suddenly freezing up, it was the fact that he felt oddly _guilty_ under it all, that he didn’t like that Geoff was pissed at him not just because he resented being chastised but because he didn’t like the thought of being in Geoff’s bad books.

He didn’t usually care.

He didn’t, and he hadn’t thought he’d gotten that close to the others over these last twelve months, but here he was feeling like he’d _disappointed_ Geoff, and the fact that it made his stomach twist was unwelcome.

“This isn’t even the first fucking time you’ve done it,” Geoff continued. “I’m bringing it up now because you need to make a choice, Ryan, are you with us or what?”

 _Of course I’m fucking with you,_ was his first thought, but it suddenly felt too much like an admission of… of _something_ , something too close and saccharine, and for someone who had been alone a long time it felt abruptly terrifying. 

He was saved from answering by a sudden commotion over the earpieces. Gunshots and shouting and-

“ _Michael_ ,” Gavin yelled, loud and desperate.

Geoff and Ryan snapped back to attention, trying frantically to see what was going on. Hostages were beginning to run out of the bank. Something had obviously caught the others off guard.

“What the fuck’s going on?” Geoff demanded. “Jack? _Jack_?’

For a terrifyingly long moment the others didn’t answer. There was too much shouting and shooting for them to make out what was happening. It did not help that the police began to pull up outside and Ryan turned to start firing at them; he was focused on what he was doing but he didn’t miss it when the gunshots from inside the bank died down a little.

“We’re fine,” Jack spoke up suddenly, “We’re fine, cover us, we’re heading out the back.”

“The vehicles are in position,” Geoff replied. “We’ll meet you back at the hideout.”

Ryan took out a cop heading towards the bank and turned to shoot at the gas tanks of the cars instead. The rumble of the explosion rocked the street and he ducked back against the roof, glancing over at Geoff. They exchanged an alarmed look - things went wrong on heists but rarely this badly; the shootouts didn’t usually start until after they’d left the building.

It took longer than he liked to clean up the mess; they didn’t leave the roof until after the others were safely en route and even then he and Geoff went to make sure no one had been following them. They were both exhausted and high strung by the time they returned to the safe house.

“What the fuck happened back there?” Geoff demanded as he strode in, Ryan close behind him.

Michael was sitting on the couch, shirt off, Jack patching up his arm. Ryan strode over to get a better look and relaxed a little when he realised he’d just been grazed, though it still looked like a pretty nasty wound. Gavin and Ray stood close by, in an oddly tense silence.

It was Jack who answered, looking up from where he was taping a bandage over Michael’s injury. 

“They knew we were coming,” he said. “There were plainclothes police in there. We didn’t expect them to have guns. Started shooting as soon as they got the chance.”

“We got about half the cash,” Ray said, jerking his head towards the bags in the corner of the room.

Ryan’s stomach had gone tight at this news; Geoff looked on the verge of an aneurysm.

“They knew we were coming? That means we have a leak somewhere.”

It was a testament to how close this crew was that he didn’t turn on any of them; all the other gangs Ryan had been a part of would have been suspicious of each other immediately. This sort of trust was rare.

“Someone lower down the chain,” Jack said with a frown. They had a bunch of contacts, lesser employees and people doing odd jobs, some of whom had known about the heist that was on today. Though no one apart from the six of them had every piece of information, there was still a risk if anyone turned on them.

Geoff slammed a fist against the wall. “As if this day wasn’t _fucking_ bad enough already. We need to find out who it is, how much else they might have told the cops - in the mean time we gotta burn everything, just to be safe.”

“I’m on it,” Gavin piped up, and gave a rather manic grin. “Burning things is my specialty, after all.”

Geoff shot him a warning look but Gavin raised his hands.

“I know, not literally.”

“You’re on tech, Gavin. Shut everything down, get us new phones. Ray, Michael, Ryan - we’ll go asking around, see if we can work out who it was. Jack, you’re on cleanup. Safehouses, plans - change them all.”

“That’s gonna take a while,” Jack replied.

Geoff nodded. “I know. So you’d better get started.”

They began to move off, Geoff and Jack already pulling their phones out. Gavin walked over to Michael on the couch and handed him back his shirt. One sleeve was soaked through with blood and Gavin pulled a face.

“You alright, boi?” he asked quietly.

“I’m fine, Gav. Bullet didn’t actually go in me.” Michael grinned and gestured down at himself dramatically. “Only thing penetrating this temple is you, baby.”

Gavin huffed out a laugh but he looked rattled - they always were, whenever one of them cut it a little too close - and Michael’s grin faded. He reached out and wrapped a hand around the back of Gavin’s neck, tugging him forward until their foreheads were pressed together.

“Hey. I’m fine, okay?”

“Kay,” Gavin replied, and leaned in for a kiss.

A little disgruntled noise next to him had Ryan turning to see Ray. He was messing about with the bags of money but his eyes were on the other two, and there was an odd look on his face like he wanted to say or do something but was holding back. After a moment he tore his gaze away and slung the bag over his shoulder, striding out of the room.

 _Strange_ , thought Ryan, but he had shit to get done; he picked up his gun and headed out as well.

 

* * *

 

 

They met back up that evening. Michael had found their rat - one of their weapons dealers who they’d been going to give a cut of the heist to - and he and Geoff had taken care of the man. Even with that dealt with, the paranoia of more possible sellouts hung over them. Ryan didn’t trust easily at the best of times and this whole incident had him even more on edge than he usually was.

“You look like you need a massage, Ryan,” Gavin said cheerfully when he walked back in - the last to arrive, the others were already sitting around waiting for him. “You’re well tense.”

“Don’t comment unless you’re offering,” Ryan replied, sitting down on the couch with a grunt.

“All I have to offer are these new phones,” Gavin said, and promptly threw one at him. Ryan caught it easily, turning it over in his hands as Gavin tossed the rest to the others. It was a pretty simple device. They went through phones like they went through bullets so they’d long given up wasting money on expensive ones.

“I’ve put everyone’s numbers in already,” Gavin continued.

“Good,” Geoff said, and sighed, running his hands over his face. He looked tired - today had been a long day, a _bad_ day, and he wasn’t bothering to hide it. 

It had taken Ryan a bit to get used to that, how open Geoff was around them. Most gang leaders wouldn’t show a hint of weakness, even to their inner circle. Then again, nothing about this crew was anything like what he’d seen before. Geoff and Jack treated the lads like a family. Even Ryan had been on the receiving end of their affections since they’d gotten to know each other better, to some extent at least. Forced sick days when they could tell he wasn’t feeling well; careful hands refusing to let him patch himself up. Jack constantly buying him food. 

It had been grating at first - not something he was used to - had had him pulling away, feeling gruff, awkward. But he’d gotten used to it, somewhere along the line, even if he hadn’t realised it until now, and suddenly Geoff’s words rang in the back of his mind again - _you need to make a choice_.

He frowned - Geoff was still edgy, pretty much ignoring both he and Jack except to address them for business matters - and he felt a sudden and terrible upset. Wanted this to just blow over quickly.

 _Stop that, what the fuck’s gotten into you. Going fucking soft is what it is_.

“We took him out but there’s still a lot of damage control to do,” Geoff said, sighing. “Gotta screen everyone again. Change all our plans.”

“I’m on that,” Jack said. “I’ll call in Lindsay and Kdin, take them out to the main safehouse. Get shut in there and redo everything. This time no one’s in on it except the two of them and us.”

“That’ll take you a little while,” Geoff began, and Jack raised and lowered one shoulder.

“I’ll keep checking back in with you guys.”

“Okay,” Geoff said, a bit dubiously, and there was an awkward moment in which he and Jack were obviously still annoyed with one another but also not particularly looking forward to being separated for an extended length of time. They shook it off quickly, though, Geoff clapping his hands together briskly.

“Right then. Get some sleep guys. Big day tomorrow cleaning this shitheap up.”

“Ray, come back to ours, we’ll order pizza,” Ryan heard Michael say, but didn’t stick around to hear Ray’s answer as he left alone.

 

* * *

 

Ryan did not usually stay in one place for a very long time. This stint with the Fake AH Crew was the longest he’d lived in the one location in years, and even now old habits stuck - his apartment barely seemed lived in; he didn’t have many possessions and personalising his living space seemed pointless if he was just going to move again anyway.

Still, after nearly a year here there were some touches that couldn’t be denied; he’d invested in a good television, some bookshelves. A throw for the couch. There was actually a consistent supply of food in his pantry for once.

Normally on nights after a heist they’d all go out for bevs, or round to Geoff’s big fancy penthouse. Order Chinese and break out the good whiskey and celebrate a successful pull. Ryan couldn’t deny enjoying those times. Gavin and Michael’s stupid drunken antics, exchanging long-suffering glances with the ever-sober Ray. That one occasion when Geoff and Gavin decided it would be a good idea to orchestrate a ‘roomba fight’ with knives and balloons.

Instead, tonight, he sat on his couch with a plate of reheated Pad Thai and turned on the television. 

His thoughts drifted to the lads - a vague concern for Michael’s injury at the back of his mind - but otherwise he fell back into his usual routine of solitude.

He didn’t realise he’d dozed off until the trill of his phone startled him awake. For a moment he jolted upright, looking around for some threat, only to relax when he realised he was alone and it was just his mobile. It took him a moment to orient himself - his show had long finished and some terrible wedding program was now on. He’d knocked his plate off the coffee table in his sleep and there were noodles on the floor.

And Geoff was calling him.

Ryan frowned, immediately concerned. Geoff never called him off the clock, not unless something was wrong. Fearing something had happened, he answered immediately.

“Geoff?” 

“Hey,” Geoff replied. He didn’t sound frantic, just tired. “You sound kind of weird, did I just wake you up?”

Ryan blinked a few times. _Not an emergency then?_ The adrenaline was running down a little leaving him nothing but confused.

“Yes, actually,” he replied. “What’s happening? Do you need something?”

“No.” A slightly awkward pause. “I, uh… I just wanted to apologise for what happened today.”

Ryan was struck dumb for a second; he’d expected them to ignore it and go back to normal tomorrow, or maybe in a few days. Not an apology.

“I… okay,” he began, but Geoff barrelled on.

“I just - it was a crappy day, I didn’t… this shit with Ruby Crew has messed us up. We need this alliance with them if we want to expand out in the inner west but I met with Luna yesterday and it looks like he doesn’t want to join us after all. I didn’t tell you yet because I thought I could still sort it out. Didn’t want to worry you. But I ended up taking it out on you instead, so - I’m sorry.”

Ryan frowned - since when did Geoff care about worrying him with business matters? But he remembered, abruptly, how he’d ruined things by killing those drug dealers - and _oh, okay_. Geoff didn’t want to blame him - it was the sort of thing he did; despite Ryan’s every attempt to stay distant Geoff had some incessant protective nature towards all of them. Even when they fucked up - _especially_ when they fucked up, and Ryan suddenly felt even worse for what he’d done.

He didn’t apologise often but this, he thought, probably warranted one, and he swallowed, clearing his throat a bit awkwardly.

“For what it’s worth… I’m sorry too.”

“It’s fine. I mean, we were both being bitchy all day but. We’ve been through enough together, right? What’s one stupid little fight against all of that.”

Ryan was more confused than ever.

It was true that over the last year they’d been through some shit. There’d been more than enough incidents where they’d had to have each other’s back.

And Geoff was friendly, sure, he tended to push to get Ryan to open up and joke around with them. But this was verging on _sentimental_ and he was suddenly uncomfortable, unsure how to react.

“Are you drunk?” he asked, and Geoff burst out laughing, his signature contagious laugh. Even Ryan couldn’t help but smile a little at the sound of it, leaning back into the couch, feeling suddenly a little less alone in his empty flat.

“I’m not _drunk_. I’ve had a few but you know me. Liver of steel.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that. It’ll all catch up to you one day.”

“I intend to go down in a blaze of glory before that ever happens.” A slightly awkward pause. “I’m sorry. That was morbid, especially after today.”

“It was not a great day,” Ryan commented, and heard Geoff huff out a breath.

“Yeah. Which is why we gotta pull together now. Anyway, I’m glad we - I’m glad we’re okay now, you and me. I don’t like fighting.”

Ryan let out a slow breath, something like relief filling him. Knowing that the two of them were back on good terms had lifted a weight off his shoulders he hadn’t realised was there until it was gone. 

“Anyway, I’m keeping you up,” Geoff said. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Geoff.”

“Oh, before I forget.” A huff of something like laughter. “I love you, asshole.”

... _what._

_The fuck._

For a moment Ryan was overtaken by pure shock. His chest seized up and for a moment he could not quite believe what he had just heard. He was roused back to attention by the faint beep as Geoff hung up on the other end of the line, and slowly lowered the phone from his ear.

_...did he just say…?_

It had slipped out of Geoff’s mouth easy as anything and Ryan just. Couldn’t understand why. Because Geoff joked around all the time. He said ‘I love you’ to Michael half a dozen times on any given day and it was never _serious;_ whenever he got bevved up he’d cuddle with Gavin - but the jokes didn’t extend to Ryan, not really, they didn’t have that ease between them yet-

Except there had been moments, oh God, he was remembering the moments now. A few times out on jobs when it was just the two of them on a stakeout or watch duty in the dead of night, alone in the car, when conversation turned momentarily to deeper things that Ryan quickly diverted away from-

That one time when Ryan stripped down to his boxers to treat two wounds he’d acquired, thinking himself alone in the base and Geoff had walked in on him and they’d laughed it off, or tried to, but he’d _seen_ Geoff taking him in for a moment and hadn’t paid it any heed-

That time he caught himself watching Geoff and Jack and wondering abruptly what it might be like to be one or the other of them, to have that close relationship even in the danger they worked in every day-

Little things. Stupid little things he’d never paid a jot of attention to until _now_ , with those three stupid words Geoff had let out and-

Drunk.

He had to be drunk.

He’d said them too easily, too casually and obviously he’d just... gotten confused, gotten a bit too bevved up-

(and don’t think about the fact that it might have been the drink that loosened his tongue, that had him saying something he hadn’t meant to reveal-)

Shaking his head, Ryan threw his phone down and got up to clean the mess of food on the floor, confused but putting it to the back of his mind.

 _I need some fucking sleep_.

 

* * *

 

The next day was a very bad day.

Not in a big way. In all the silly, little ways. Ryan woke up late. Realised he’d forgotten to put a jug under the automatic coffee machine and came into the kitchen to find a mess that he then had to clean up. Went to make new coffee and discovered he’d run out. Found that the overpriced café down the road had just raised its prices even further. On his way to join the others some wanker tried to cut past him and drove so close that he literally brushed Ryan’s leg as he passed, nearly knocking him off his bike. He had half a mind to follow the guy and teach him a lesson, but then remembered Geoff’s lecture from yesterday about how any unwarranted kills would get traced back to the crew.

 _Looks like I’m on a murder break then,_ he thought, rather sourly.

By the time he arrived at work he was in a terrible mood, but it faded a little when he walked into the hideout and saw Geoff as the memory of last night’s conversation swam back into his mind.

Suddenly he felt nothing but awkward, unsure how to act around the other man. He was glad he’d already put on his mask because it meant he could just walk in and stare down at Geoff impassively, waiting for him to make the first move.

Geoff glanced up when he noticed him, and gave a small wave. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Ryan replied - confused. Geoff was smiling at him, looked tired but friendly enough, yesterday’s bad mood obviously having faded.

“The police are on our backs after that failed heist. We’re gonna need some help pulling them back, at least until we can be sure we haven’t been sold out by anyone else.”

Ryan let out a heavy sigh. “Adama?”

“Yeah,” Geoff replied, and Ryan fought not to grimace.

Adama wasn’t the guy’s real name - he’d’ve been mad to use it, not with the sort of work he did. He called himself that because he was a giant fucking nerd and also a giant fucking asshole - albeit one who had enough connections to get the police out of their hair when they needed him to.

Ryan hated him - he was arrogant and sneery - but he was _useful_ , at the end of the day, and that was reason enough not to kill him.

“He’s going to try and charge you more,” he said - the guy liked to push his luck - and Geoff nodded.

“I know. That’s why I need you to go and deal with it. Last time I sent Gav he agreed to pay double just because it was less hassle than arguing about it.”

“Gavin’s a pushover.”

“I know. He also doesn’t look very scary, unlike you.”

Ryan nodded. “I’m on it.”

“Great. Thanks. Call me when you’re done.”  
  
Geoff turned back to whatever he was doing on his ipad, and Ryan frowned.

No mention of last night’s conversation. Had Geoff been so drunk he’d forgotten? He wasn’t sure if he should bring it up or not.

_Not. Definitely not. Maybe he… maybe it was a mistake, or he doesn’t remember it-_

( _Or he’s giving you space_ , the treacherous thought rose up - _waiting for_ you _to make the first move_.)

He felt terribly awkward again, and quickly left, trying to ignore the fact that when he’d walked into that room he’d felt almost _nervous_ about what Geoff might say or do.

And Ryan Haywood did not do nervous.

His day went from bad to worse after that. Adama was a fucking _prick_ as usual. Smug in the knowledge that he was too useful to be killed, and when Ryan refused to pay him more he didn’t push it, but instead made little snide comments all the while. Things like ‘I see Ramsey has started sending his attack dog out to clean up his messes for him. Woof, woof, woof’ and ‘You’re the one who wears make up under the mask right? Oh, wait, I’m sorry, _war paint_ ’ and ‘Thought you were a lone wolf, did Geoff manage to tame you then? Does he keep you on a leash?’

Ryan wanted nothing more than to seize him by the throat and _make_ him shut up, and normally he would have, but he was on a murder break and once he started being violent, even without intent to kill, it could get a little hard to stop. So he grit his teeth and bore it, imagining delightful tortures for the little shitloaf all the while, and by the time he walked out of there he was about ready to punch something.

Geoff had texted him - _group meeting back at the base_ \- and he made his way back. Gavin’s car was the only one there when he arrived, and he let himself in quietly, intent on getting something to eat - only to freeze when he walked in through the back door.

Gavin and Ray were making out furiously in the sitting room; Ray was backed up against the wall, practically attacking Gavin’s mouth. Gavin had one leg between Ray’s, his hands flat against the wall either side of the other’s head. Ryan had seen him kissing Michael a hundred times over but there was something different about this, something less comfortable and familiar. A desperate, almost clumsy passion to their movements. He glanced down and noticed Ray had his hands down the back of Gavin’s jeans and _okay, abort, abort._

They hadn’t seen him. He slipped back out, shutting the door quietly behind him, and walked out into the street only to pause, feeling sick.

_Gavin’s cheating on Michael._

_Gavin’s fucking cheating on Michael with Ray_.

A nauseous sort of disappointment overtook him. 

Normally he couldn’t have cared less about others’ personal affairs - but God damn it, he _liked_ Michael, he was a good guy - or as good as they could get in their business - he’d never been scared of Ryan, not like others could be, so there’d always been something easy and casual to their relationship. He’d try to get closer without pushing too much and it had _worked_ , Ryan found he liked being around him. And Gavin, he’d liked him too, with his incessant enthusiasm and constant attempts to get to know Ryan, there had been something sweet about that - Ryan had thought better of him. And shit, he’d thought they were happy together.

This discovery was the icing on the cake of his terrible day. He went to get food and was hanging out in the front yard very aggressively eating a subway when Michael showed up.

“Hey,” he said, waving.

Ryan waved back, then paused, an awful feeling wrenching at his gut. 

_Should I tell him? Should I…_

He should. Michael had a right to know, but somehow he couldn’t force the words out. A terrible mix of things swirling around in him like _ignorance is bliss_ versus _you can’t not tell him, your silence is complacency_ and _it will break him it will fucking break him he loves Gavin_ and _he has a right to know, you can’t not-_

Michael was already moving to open the door, humming quietly under his breath.

“Oh man, now I want subway too,” he said, glancing over at Ryan’s food. He seemed in such good spirits that Ryan just couldn’t bring himself to shatter it; he followed Michael into the house in silence, half hoping that Gavin and Ray were still at it, that Michael would catch them and he’d be saved from having to break the news.

But no, they were hanging out in the lounge - Ray cleaning his gun, Gavin scrolling on his phone. They looked a little dishevelled, Gavin’s hair out of place, Ray’s jacket awry, lips slightly reddened, but it was nothing you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it.

“Michael, my boi!” Gavin cried, as soon as Michael entered the room. And then leaped up and kissed him, which had Ryan pausing.

 _You literally just kissed Ray with that mouth_ , he thought, and was overtaken with a wave of terrible anger towards the two of them, because Ray was just - watching, with a funny sort of smile that Ryan _hated_ because _you fucking well know what you just did, how can you just sit there smirking at them like that?_

He felt betrayed, more than anything, like he didn’t know Gavin and Ray at all now, and pulled his mask on to hide his scowl.

Geoff and Jack showed up only minutes later, and Ryan was relieved to find that they seemed to have overcome their differences from yesterday. 

The group meeting was quite long; there was a lot to cover after the disasters of yesterday. By the end of it Ryan was tired and not looking forward to his next job; meeting up with a potential client who wanted to buy weapons from them. He was heading out, silent and grumpy given what was happening with the lads, when a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Hey Ryan,” Jack said, and Ryan turned, pointedly pulling his arm away. The others didn’t touch him much and Jack looked instantly apologetic.

“What?” he asked, a little too curtly.

“Everything alright? You seem on edge.”

Ryan felt instantly guilty for snapping. Jack had a tendency to bring that out in him. For someone who was dating the most notorious criminal in the city if not the state, Jack was relentlessly _nice_ and had managed to work his way past Ryan’s shell alarmingly quickly. Of everyone in the crew he was probably the one Ryan was closest to - if he’d ever admit to being _close_ to any of them - and it slammed into him suddenly, _last night Geoff said he loves me?_

_What about Jack?_

Geoff was _devoted_ to Jack, he knew that, and even if this little Ray-and-Gavin thing had put a serious dent in Ryan’s belief in lasting committed relationships, the two men had talked openly before about their willingness to let other people into their bed. Never seriously or for any length of time, just little one off things they brought up now and then.

Enough for Ryan to wonder if _he_ was something they’d discussed.

 _Stop it. You’re being stupid. Geoff was drunk and didn’t know what he was saying and you need to stop fucking thinking about this - it was probably all some big dumb mistake - do_ not _think about what it would be like to have a fucking threesome with Jack and Geoff Jesus fucking Christ_ -

“Right?” Jack prompted, and he snapped back to attention.

“Fine,” he replied. “Just - busy.”

“Okay,” Jack replied, and then reached out and squeezed his shoulder. Ryan went stiff and fought not to flinch, and after a minute Jack let his hand drop before turning away. Ryan exited quickly, feeling awkward, heart pounding.

God, this was stupid. Just yesterday everything had been fine, normal. But one tiny sentence from Geoff and suddenly he was reading too much into every one of the others’ interactions with him.

 

* * *

 

The rest of that day was just as crap as the morning had been, and by the time he got home he was exhausted, irritable and just wanted to sleep, or maybe get drunk. He opened a bottle of whiskey as soon as he returned to his apartment and settled back with a glass. Unwound a little over dinner and then when he took a shower, but was still somewhat cranky by the time he went to go to sleep.

Michael wouldn’t leave his head. The thought of how gutted he’d be when he inevitably found out what Gavin and Ray were doing. And God, this would change _everything_ \- they’d already been thrown out of kilt when Geoff and Jack were fighting. Gavin and Ray betraying Michael like this would break apart the crew, and fuck if that didn’t make Ryan feel sick all of a sudden.

He was about to sleep when his phone rang, and he froze when he picked it up and saw that it was Geoff again.

_Jesus Christ, what is going on here._

Part of him wanted to just leave it, to try and forget about all of this, like maybe ignoring it would somehow make everything return to normal. But the rest of him - the rest of him wanted to speak to Geoff. Maybe now he’d explain what had happened last night.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Geoff said, sounding a lot more chipper than when he called last time. “It’s a bit late, hope I didn’t wake you up again.”

“I was just about to sleep. What’s up?”

“Can’t I just call to say hi?”

That was… something of a novelty. Generally Geoff kept business hours to business hours, except for when all of them hung out after a successful heist. And a year ago Ryan would have just hung up, unwilling to interact with his colleagues any longer than necessary, but now - now he felt almost touched by what was obviously an attempt to get closer to him. He stayed on the line.

“Hi, then,” he replied, a little uncertainly, and heard Geoff laugh a bit.

“We didn’t get much of a chance to talk earlier. How was your day?”

 _Fine_ was on the tip of his tongue. He wasn’t sure why he answered with the truth.

“Pretty shit.”

“Aw, no.” He expected Geoff to tease or laugh at him but there was genuine sympathy and affection in the other’s voice. “Would it make you feel better to hear that Felix got got by the cops today?”

“Did he really?” Ryan asked, delighted; the other man ran a rival gang and was constantly getting up their noses.

“Yesss,” Geoff cackled, and proceeded to regale him with the details of the arrest; how he’d run a heist that had gone spectacularly wrong and had been taken down kicking and screaming. Ryan soon found himself grinning, more openly than he ever usually did. Here at home in his living room, with no one else around, it was easier to let go.

Their conversation soon devolved into little more than shit-talking the other gangs in the city, and Ryan barely noticed as he found himself leaning back against the couch, letting the stresses of the day fall from his shoulders. Found himself _laughing_ with Geoff - the other man’s own giggles were contagious and he found a strangely warm feeling swell in his chest at the fact that _he_ could make Geoff laugh like that, with his own snarky comments.

Eventually they fell into a companionable silence. Ryan realised he was still smiling - sitting there alone on his couch with a stupidly _fond_ grin on his face - but couldn’t quite bring himself to force it away. 

“So you had a bad day then?” Geoff prompted. “What happened?”

Ryan was taken aback to realise that their conversation had made him feel so much better that he had quite nearly forgotten how shitty he’d felt earlier. It came rushing back now, though, his annoyance. _Michael and Gavin_.

He was tempted, for a moment, to tell Geoff about it - but couldn’t force the words out, suddenly uncertain if Geoff would even believe him. He was close to Gavin, after all, and tended to try and think the best of him, at least when it came to serious matters.

Instead he said, “Some asshole was pushing my buttons. Said some shit.”

“Like what?”

Part of Ryan almost didn’t want to reveal it; there was something humiliating in it. But some urge to tell Geoff rose up, some intimacy that came from talking together, _laughing_ together.

“The usual. Having a go at me for being some ‘pet’ of yours. Fuckloaf,” he snorted, fist clenching as he thought of just how much he’d like to kill Adama, if only they didn’t need him so much.

Geoff was very quiet for a moment.

“You know that’s not true, right?”

“What? Of course not.” Ryan was a little taken aback by the genuine concern in his tone.

“I mean it,” Geoff continued, earnestly. “I know we… we met through this job and there are times when it gets in the way a bit. But everything I feel for you, it’s… it’s nothing to do with the crew, or the money, or how _useful_ you can be, or anything like that. I care about you.”

_Everything I feel for you - what the actual fuck is going on here?_

It sounded a hell of a lot like Geoff was making an attempt at confessing his feelings and Ryan - Ryan didn’t know what the fuck to do or say about it.

_I care about you._

Something in the way he’d said it - soft, so gentle and genuine that Ryan knew he wasn’t joking. Or drunk. He definitely wasn’t drunk which meant-

Which meant-

_Oh my fucking God. Geoff’s actually in love with me._

Geoff was silent on the other end of the phone and _Jesus fucking Christ what do I say?_

Six months ago - hell, two months, one month ago - he would have shut Geoff down immediately. Or he thought he would have, anyway. But now, suddenly, that felt - harsh, and almost untrue, because… they were close, weren’t they? Geoff was good to him, the only reason he’d ever stayed. Normally he tried to avoid being directly employed by anyone; he liked to pick and choose his own jobs. _A lone wolf_ , just like what Adama had called him.

But this - this was good. Geoff was good and he found himself opening his _fool_ mouth and saying, stiffly, awkwardly, the words uncomfortable in his mouth for their unfamiliarity: “Yeah, I… guess I care about you too.”

“You _guess_?” Geoff asked, and then laughed again, like he thought Ryan was joking or - something.

Ryan was incredibly confused, and a bit hurt by the other man’s amusement, especially given how much it had taken to say the words. He didn’t quite know what to think, except that maybe Geoff was trying to lighten the mood a bit, to make him feel more comfortable in what was obviously an awkward situation for him.

“Anyway, it’s late, I’ll let you sleep. Goodnight. Love you.”

Once again, he hung up immediately, not giving Ryan a chance to reply. Like last time the words had slipped from his mouth easily, as though they were the most natural thing in the world to him, and Ryan lowered the phone from his ear slowly.

_Oh dear God what am I meant to do now?_

Geoff was obviously trying to reach out to him here. That was what these nightly phone calls must be about. He’d as good as just admitted to having feelings for Ryan. And he was a bit startled, sure, because Geoff had given no indication of this before he suddenly started ringing Ryan up - but at the same time he couldn’t say it had come completely out of left field. He had, after all, gotten closer to the other man in their time together, and perhaps he’d misread some of Geoff’s signals as platonic when they weren’t meant to be. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Still, it left him in the uncomfortable position of having to evaluate his _own_ feelings for the man.

 _Fuck my life_.

He didn’t like admitting how soft he’d gotten since starting up with the Fake AH Crew, but it was hard to deny that he definitely liked Geoff. And now that the idea of that becoming more had been planted, it wouldn’t leave him alone.

He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. A frantic part of him wanted to just ignore it, to pretend nothing was happening. The rest of him was filled with a treacherous, eager nervous buzz of something that perilously resembled excitement.

In either case, the mere thought was enough to terrify him and he was too tired to deal with this shit right now. With a grumble he put his phone aside and turned to go to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The next day was a bad day as well.

His insomnia hit hard the night before; it had been bad for a while and getting worse, and running on barely any sleep he was tired and irritable by the time he showed up for work.

It figured that the first people he’d be forced to interact with were Gavin and Ray.

They were out at one of Geoff’s warehouses waiting to monitor a delivery of guns. The guys they were buying from were a bit slippery, which was why Geoff wanted Ryan there to help out. The minute he walked in and caught sight of the two of them all his anger from yesterday came flooding back in. It didn’t help that they were sitting too close together at a table in the warehouse, knees just touching, Gavin smiling at Ray as he said something apparently quite amusing. A stupid adoring little smile that Ryan had previously only seen him direct at Michael.

“Hi Ryan!” Gavin chirped, when he entered; Ryan fixed him with a cold and withering stare that even from behind the mask had Gavin shrinking back a little. Ray glanced up at him, confused.

“What are you two doing in here?” Ryan snapped. “Delivery’s gonna arrive any minute now. Come out front.”

“They called,” Ray replied, waving his phone. “Gonna be twenty minutes late.”

“Well that’s just fucking _great_ ,” Ryan snapped, and strode over to the table, slamming his bag down. “Thanks for telling me. I wouldn’t have rushed over here.”

“I did,” Ray replied. “I texted you.”

“Well I didn’t fucking hear it,” Ryan said, and pulled his phone out of his pocket to realise that in his sleep-deprived state he’d accidentally put it on silent instead of vibrate. He let out a growl of frustration, trying to change it back but fumbling. He was wearing thick gloves since he’d ridden his bike here, and it wasn’t very friendly on the touchscreen.

“Jeezus,” Gavin muttered, shooting him a confused sidelong glance after he let out a stream of muttered profanity. “What’s got you full of vinegar this morning, Ryan?”

“Your incompetence,” Ryan replied, harshly, still struggling. “Get us better fucking phones next time, you know we wear gloves a lot.”

“You could take the gloves off,” Ray said flatly. “It’s this really simple process that involves grabbing the material with your other hand and then pulling it off.”

Ryan shot him a withering look, annoyance only spiking at his sarcasm. He was wound up enough that when a hand touched his arm he reacted violently, whipping around and grabbing Gavin’s wrist hard enough that he flinched.

“Ow! What are you doing you twat, I’m trying to help you with your phone.”

“I don’t need your help, _Gavin_.” He let him go and Gavin took a step back, rubbing his wrist. He exchanged a glance with Ray over Ryan’s shoulder and Ryan’s blood boiled at even that little motion. He shoved his phone in his pocket and turned to grab his bag again. Ray was watching him carefully and when Ryan shot him another poisonous look he blinked, something like confused _hurt_ crossing his features.

Ryan hadn’t quite realised he had the capability to hurt them just by being _mean_ ; he hadn’t realised a lot of things, it seemed, in how he had gotten closer to everyone. Something tugged at his stomach, like he wanted to feel bad about it, but he shoved it away. _They’re betraying Michael._

“Where are you going?” Gavin demanded, stepping in front of him when he headed for the door. “Why are you being such an asshole?”

“I’m heading out for some air,” Ryan snapped. “Make sure you two aren’t too busy _fucking_ to notice when that delivery comes.”

Gavin’s mouth dropped open and Ryan’s brain automatically read _guilt_ into the motion, shame that he’d been caught out. Behind him Ray made a loud spluttering noise and started to say something, but Ryan ignored him, tuning him out. He grabbed Gavin’s shoulders and moved him firmly out of the way-

(Tried not to think about how he was careful not to be too rough this time, like some terrible innate part of himself still _liked_ the man enough to not want to actually harm him-)

And marched out to the back of the warehouse.

He ended up pacing alone out there for the entire twenty minutes, simmering. Trying not to dwell too hard on why, exactly, he was so _angry_.

It was hard to ignore, though. He was too close, too close, too close. Too close to Michael that he was fuming on his behalf. Too close to Ray and Gavin that it was _upsetting_ him to have misjudged them so much.

Too close to Geoff, and Jack, because his conversation with Geoff from last night was swirling around in his head and just wouldn’t _leave_.

_Love you. I love you._

It was working him up and he was no calmer by the time he marched back around to the front to make the delivery. If anything, though, it helped them out; he made such a menacing presence, practically radiating danger and hostility, that it kept the partners of their deal quite in line. Gavin, who was Geoff’s proxy whenever Jack wasn’t around, did most of the talking, and they were all kept busy enough that Ryan managed to avoid interacting with he and Ray at all.

It took a couple of hours to get everything sorted out. Michael had texted him, saying Geoff wanted to meet him at another location, and he headed for his bike immediately.

“Ryan!”

Ray had called after him and he felt a hand on his arm again, trying to pull him around. He whirled around and shook him off roughly.

“Save it, Ray.”

“Dude, Ryan, you don’t-”

“ _Save it_.” He didn’t want to hear his excuses. He got on his bike and drove off, not looking back.

 

* * *

 

Ryan was still simmering by the time he went to meet Geoff. The other man was sitting in his car waiting outside the house of a man who owed them some money. Ryan got off his bike and opened the car door, sliding into the passenger seat. It wasn’t until he shut the door behind him that his anger faded a little and he remembered, _oh, it’s Geoff_ \- and felt suddenly awkward.

But Geoff just glanced across at him, something almost bored in his eyes, and said, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Ryan replied, a bit curtly, but confusion was welling up again because Geoff wasn’t behaving any differently to how he usually did.

“I’ve been waiting here for like an hour. He’s still not home yet. Should be here soon hopefully. Then we rough him up a bit ‘till he gives us the cash.”

“Why do I need to be here?” 

Geoff shrugged.

“You look threatening, and I also think he might have hired a bodyguard. Why? Got somewhere to be?”

“No,” Ryan replied. It came out a bit more grumpily than he’d intended, and Geoff glanced over at him.

“What’s put ants in your pants, man?”  
  
“Nothing,” Ryan began, but being out and away from the lads had his anger beginning to fade away a bit. He was still tense, though, waiting for Geoff to do or say something, but yet again he seemed to be acting like their phone call last night had never even happened, and Ryan had no idea what to do.

Geoff glanced at him again, but didn’t push. Instead he turned away, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel for a moment before reaching into his jacket and pulled out a flask. He tossed it into Ryan’s lap and Ryan stared down at it before thinking _fuck it_. He didn’t usually drink much but right now he sure could use one, and he pulled his mask up just enough to be able to get at the bottle.

The liquor was strong and tasted stupidly expensive; it burned a little as it went down but he took it stoically before handing the bottle back to Geoff, already feeling a bit better. It had been surprisingly what he needed and he felt suddenly, absurdly grateful.

“Y’see? There’s nothing a little alcohol can’t fix,” Geoff said, and Ryan couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your life motto, I’m sure.”

Geoff grinned and Ryan - Ryan found himself staring, marvelling at how just that one little gesture could make him feel so much better. 

Geoff opened his mouth and for a moment Ryan thought this was it, he was going to bring up last night - but he just looked back at the house and said, “I hate stakeouts.”

“Ugh, me too.”

Geoff blinked, glancing at him in surprise, and Ryan realised he had engaged in conversation too quickly, too easily, his complaining tone more open than anything else he normally said. He couldn’t help it; he’d gotten used to the banter during their long conversation last night. Felt much more comfortable talking to Geoff now, for some reason.

“They’re boring as fuck,” he continued. “Waste so much time sitting around just waiting for people.”

Geoff nodded. “It’s better with two people,” he said. “Least then you have someone to chat with. Although you probably prefer to be on your own,” he added, and Ryan paused.

“Not necessarily,” he said slowly, and not quite sure why he was admitting it.

Geoff gave him a measuring look, then nodded.

“Okay, then. I’ll make sure to pair you with someone next time. Maybe Gav,” he added, with a grin. “Have fun with those ‘would you rather’ questions.”

Ryan groaned, but the mention of Gavin had soured his mood a little. Geoff, however - perhaps prompted by Ryan implying he _liked_ conversation - seemed to take it upon himself to then regale Ryan with a retelling of one of the plotlines of Always Sunny. It was not Ryan’s sort of humour at all but he found himself wrapped up in Geoff’s voice, his laughter, how alight and animated he was when talking about something completely unrelated to work, and he’d lost a lot of the tension in his shoulders by the time they saw the man’s car pull up in the drive.

“Show time,” Geoff said, getting that intense look in his eye. He was still grinning though, cracking his knuckles, and Ryan couldn’t help but smirk as well.

It turned out the guy did indeed have a bodyguard. As soon as the two men saw them he started squealing that they were gonna kill him, trying to get into the house while said guard pulled a gun on them. Ryan disarmed him easily, knocking him out - no need to kill the guy, he was just a hireling, after all - and they bustled their victim into the house.

“Look, bud, we’re not here to kill you,” Geoff said, pleasantly. “All we want is our money.”

“I paid you already!” he whimpered.

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t.”

Ryan stepped forward menacingly and the guy cowered; Ryan couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but annoyed. He’d paid them to help him with a pretty dangerous drug deal and he was skimping out on them now; if he didn’t have the money it was only because he’d spent it on something else already.

It took a bit of roughing up before the guy finally caved. He dragged out about a third of what he owed them in cash from various places around his house and swore he’d wire them the rest. Ryan knew they’d be paying him another visit if he didn’t.

“Always bums me out when people do that,” Geoff muttered as they left the house. “Contrary to popular belief I do not actually _enjoy_ having to beat people up.”

Ryan gave a low hum. “Yeah, well, it’s the jobs where you cause people pain and discomfort that get you the most money.”

“You reckon?”

“Yeah. Bounty hunters, mercenaries... why do you think dentists and orthodontists are all so fucking rich?”

Geoff laughed uproariously at that and Ryan grinned a bit behind his mask. A sudden camaraderie towards the other man welled up in him as they walked, something dangerously close to affection.

 

* * *

 

Ryan was sent out on jobs alone for the rest of the day, so he didn’t get much of a chance to speak to Geoff any more - nor was he forced to confront the lads. When he got home he checked his phone and realised he had several texts and missed calls from both Ray and Gavin. In a fit of spite he deleted them without looking, again not wanting to hear their excuses.

He was distracted with maintenancing his motorbike and before he knew it it got quite late. As he headed in and got ready to shower he couldn’t help but glance again at his phone. It’d been at the back of his mind the entire evening.

_Is he going to call again?_

He hesitated, then turned the volume right up before he got into the shower so he’d hear if it rang.

Kicked himself for being oddly disappointed when it didn’t.

He refused to admit that he was _waiting_ for the call. So what if he kept his phone next to him while he was cleaning his weapons. It was convenient to have it within reach.

Sure enough, at half past ten it began to ring; he’d relocated to the couch by now, watching the news, and he put the TV on mute before picking up, his heart beating curiously fast.

He’d pondered throughout the day why Geoff was acting so strangely when they saw each other in person - or rather, why he _wasn’t_ acting strangely, why he was behaving like these night time conversations had never happened - and had deduced that Geoff must be giving him space. Keeping work business to work business. Showing Ryan that the ball was in his court, that it was up to him to make a proper first move. That if he didn’t share Geoff’s feelings they would still act entirely as normal at work and it wouldn’t change a thing.

That was… sweet, Ryan thought, and also very relieving. It meant he wasn’t under pressure to make a choice, but part of him-

Part of him also found that it made it easier to relax around Geoff. Have fun the way they had today. Start to open up to him a bit more, at his own pace.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hello,” Geoff replied. “How was your day?”

“It was okay.”

“What did you have for dinner?” Geoff asked, as though that was a perfectly normal question to just ask somebody.

“I actually didn’t eat yet,” Ryan replied, and Geoff made a noise of disapproval on the other end of the line.

“Dude! Go make something then, it’s like ten thirty. Jesus, man. Take better care of yourself. You ate lunch though right?”

There was such genuine concern in Geoff’s tone that Ryan couldn’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed, not when there was no one around to see. He got up, phone still held to his ear as he went to go see what there was in the fridge.

“Yeah, I ate lunch.”

“Good. There’s a new Thai place opening near the safehouse in Campsey, by the way, we should check it out sometime. Go to dinner.”

Ryan paused - _he’s already offering date ideas, what -_ the thought of going out with Geoff to just hang was… interesting. They’d gone for drinks once or twice but usually with Gavin and Michael, or Jack - always as a group - but he wasn’t averse to the idea.

“Sure,” he said, only to belatedly realise that meant he was accepting this - moving it along - but Geoff just hmm’d again as though this was all the most natural thing in the world, and he was so calm about it all that Ryan couldn’t help but stay calm too.

They got off talking again, not even about business, really. Geoff started talking about some stupid thing he’d seen on reddit and then they got onto the news.

Ryan normally ate alone, in silence or in front of the tv, and it was strange to put his phone on speaker and lay it on the table next to him. Like Geoff was sitting there in the room with him. He’d never found his apartment particularly quiet or lonely before except now, in contrast to this.

Geoff brought up something the lads had been doing that afternoon, while Ryan was off working on his own, and he was abruptly reminded of what had happened. 

He hadn’t brought it up last night, but now he felt a bit more confident. Telling Geoff would save him from having to tell Michael, too - the other man could deal with it.

“Speaking of the lads,” he said, and Geoff paused in his story.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“I think….” Ryan hesitated, suddenly. It sounded so terrible to say it out loud, but he pushed on. “I think Gavin might be cheating on Michael.”

Geoff went very silent, and Ryan suddenly wondered if perhaps this hadn’t been a good idea after all - Geoff and Gavin were _very_ close - then he heard Geoff give a long, slow exhale.

“Okay. Okay. What makes you think that? Because I don’t… that doesn’t sound like Gavin, man, I know he can be a douche sometimes but he’s not - he’s not like _that_. He loves Michael. Thinks the sun shines out of his fucking ass.”

“I saw him kissing Ray.”

“Oh, it was _Ray_.” There was a level of relief in Geoff’s tone that had Ryan confused. “That’s alright then.”

“Alright? Doesn’t that make it _worse_? Ray and Michael are best friends - they’re both betraying his trust, how is it in any way _alright_?”

“What makes you think Michael doesn’t know about it?” Geoff asked, and Ryan blinked a few times.

“What?”

“Gav was asking me the other day about polyamory and shit. I know both he and Michael are close to Ray. Hell, Ray practically lives over at their place now. What makes you think this isn’t something between all three of them?”

“I… I don’t…” Ryan trailed off.

He certainly _wanted_ to believe that. God, it would put everything to rest.

“He wanted to know if I thought something like that could ever work between three people. I told him yes, of course, if anything it’s probably more of a strain on them _not_ having Ray in there. I’ve seen how they both look at him. You think the same, right?”

Ryan did not know how to respond. Geoff was _directly fucking asking him_ if he thought a poly threesome could work out. After all this, if that wasn’t an invitation he didn’t know what was.

“I guess,” he replied, very cautiously, and Geoff made an approving noise.

“In any case, Gavin’s nowhere near subtle enough to be sneaking around behind Michael’s back. So don’t worry yourself about it. I’m sure they’re all fine."

“Okay,” Ryan said, and let out a huff of breath. It felt like a pressure had been lifted off his chest, to not be carrying around what he’d thought was Ray and Gavin’s guilty secret anymore.

“Anyway, I gotta get up early tomorrow so I should get some sleep. Goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight.” Ryan waited with baited breath, and then, as if on cue, Geoff said: “I love you.”

Except this time - this time, he didn’t hang up, and Ryan got the uncomfortable feeling he was waiting for a _response_. 

 _Oh my God. What do I say_.

“Well?” Geoff asked - and there was something so _playful_ in his tone that it threw Ryan off. “Isn’t it your turn now?”

It hit Ryan then.

“Are you waiting for _me_ to say ‘I love you’?” he demanded, and Geoff gave a hearty laugh.

“There! Got you to say it. Sleep well, then.”

 _Now_ he hung up, and Ryan was left sitting in the silence. His heart fluttering oddly. That last exchange had been far more like _flirting_ than anything else Geoff had offered up previously and-

 _Oh God,_ he’d played right into it - but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to feel angry, or upset, or even _scared_ , really. Just - eager, like he wanted to know how all of this would play out. Like he wanted to see more of Geoff anyway, and if that meant they had go off on a Thai-restaurant-date together, then… sure.

Why the fuck not.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t see Geoff at all the next day, and couldn’t even deny that he was disappointed.

He _did_ run into Michael in the morning. Or rather, was confronted by him the minute he showed up at their main base to check in. The other man was waiting for him outside the building, arms folded. 

“Gav’s not cheating on me,” was the first thing he said. “Or if he is, then I’m cheating on him just as much, because we may or may not have both banged Ray. And each other. At the same time.”

“Okay,” Ryan replied, and Michael nodded, then looked oddly hesitant - vulnerable - like he thought Ryan was about to get angry, or judge him.

“So that’s a thing now,” he said. “Ray and Gav and me.”

“Okay,” Ryan said again, and found himself reaching out to press Michael’s arm. “There was a misunderstanding. But I get it now.”

“Good,” Michael said, and grinned, something wide and relieved in it. “Hey, Ryan, guess what. I’m getting twice as much tail now!”

Ryan shook his head, rolling his eyes as he headed into the building, Michael laughing behind him.

Ray and Gavin were hanging out in the corridor. They straightened up nervously when they saw him but Ryan stopped before them and even pulled off his mask so as not to look as intimidating.

“There was a misunderstanding yesterday,” he said. “I apologise.”

“You damn well should apologise,” Gavin replied, looking rather put out. Ryan could hardly blame him, it had been a rather serious thing to accuse someone of. But Gavin was grinning again almost immediately - he never had been one to hold a grudge for long - and added, “You have to buy me a present now, Ryan, a sorry-present.”

“Sure,” Ryan replied easily. “It’ll involve bread, water, and appearing mysteriously in your glove box when you least expect it.”

Gavin gagged at the very thought and Ray laughed, reaching over to rub his back. He glanced over at Ryan and nodded; Ryan nodded back, and felt much more at ease with the world when he headed in to work.

 

* * *

 

Having not seen Geoff all day, Ryan found himself oddly impatient for their nightly phone call. He wanted to tell him that he’d confirmed what was going on with the lads, that that was all sorted out now.

It hit him that _he_ could initiate the conversation - call Geoff himself - but he shied away from that. It wasn’t long before Geoff called him anyway, and if Ryan picked up the phone barely as soon as it had begun the first ring - well, so sue him, and no one would ever be able to prove that after Geoff had hung up with his customary “I love you” that he sat grinning on his sofa for a full five minutes.

Oh, he was in fucking deep.

The next few days were by far the oddest but also the most pleasant of Ryan’s life. Geoff continued to not bring up any of their phone calls at work, and Ryan found himself appreciating that. Liked the separation - in fact, it seemed that while the nights were Geoff’s time to be forward, the days were his. He began to take little steps towards exploring this, the idea of opening up to Geoff more and more.

They went on several more outings together. A few trips to sort things with Ruby Crew. More stakeouts - another visit to the man who owed them money - a meeting with a dirty cop who wanted to try and help them out.

“Do you think we can trust him?” Geoff asked, after that one. Looked at Ryan the way he normally looked at Jack on these things, like everything rested on his opinion, not because he was in charge but because Geoff trusted him that _much_ ; it made something strange and warm swell in Ryan’s chest. 

They couldn’t trust him, as it turned out; he’d been a plant and on their way out from the meeting two undercover cop cars led them on a rigorous chase that ended with their own car taking off from a ramp near the river; Geoff _yelled_ when they launched but as soon as he realised they were gonna land straight it turned into an invigorated whoop - Ryan shooting out the window behind them all the while, adrenaline pumping through his veins - they skidded off road soon after, lost the cops in a rural stretch of hills and dales and drew to a halt where they just sat and _laughed_. Exhilarated and pumped up and unable to look at each other without breaking down into chuckles again, that hysterical humour that comes with dancing too close to death.

They talked more.

On those trips and between, even - sometimes Geoff stayed back working late at the base and normally Ryan went home immediately but now he found himself hanging around. Discussing jobs with Geoff and even telling him some more about his past, things he’d done and worked on before joining the crew. Not something he brought up often, but Geoff listened with a rapt sort of attention, seeming to know the weight of it. Always interested but never pitying at the violence, or the times he’d been double-crossed. Left to clean up other people’s messes on his own just so he could get out himself.

“Shall we go to lunch,” Ryan said one time, when they’d wrapped up a weapons deal and were mostly done for the day. It seemed fairly natural to him to offer; it was afternoon and they hadn’t eaten yet - but Geoff glanced over at him almost curiously, as though he thought it was strange that he should ask.

Just surprised, Ryan supposed, by his making that move, that development, in person rather than on the phone. But they did go to lunch, and even if there was something very casual about it - they just sat in the car eating nachos and commenting on the people they could see at the beach ahead of them - Ryan couldn’t get the thought out of his mind, what Geoff had said earlier - _we should go to dinner_.

It was becoming more and more tempting to take him up on it.

Because Geoff still called him, regularly, every night. They’d make easy conversation - not usually about work. About the news or TV or just - stupid shit, but Ryan found himself enjoying it, relaxing in the other man’s company. They still never talked about it when they met in person. But every night like clockwork Geoff would say it, “ _I love you_ ”, and if there had been something terrifying about that at first it was growing less and less by the day. 

Because Ryan was thinking about it.

Even if he wasn’t going to make a move yet, if at all, he was _considering_ it, what it might be like to be with Geoff, or Jack, or both - nothing serious, yet, because he’d seen the lads and there was nothing in what they were doing that had him worried. They all just seemed to hang out as usual - still all very good friends, still picking fun and having a go at each other - just with more making out, it seemed.

The more he thought about it, the more he started to _want_ it, even if they didn’t go all-in immediately. And that was a conversation they’d need to have, but not right now, and Ryan thought maybe they’d talk about things properly when Jack got back from the safehouse where he was staying with Lindsay and Kdin.

 

* * *

 

“I talked to Gavin today,” Geoff said.

Ryan was lying on the couch, phone pressed to his ear with one hand, idly making up his shopping list with the other. Geoff had called him as usual and they’d already settled into their usual routine of conversation.

“Yeah?” Ryan asked. “What about?”

“Sat him down and made sure everything was okay with this Michael and Ray stuff. I worry about them, you know that.”

Ryan’s lips twitched a little; Geoff did care far too much but he found it endearing now, more than anything.

“They’re making it work,” Geoff continued. “I mean, they can all be pretty fucking dysfunctional at times - look how damn long it took Gavin and Michael to get together - but it seems like this is really good for them, so. I’m glad.”

“Me too,” Ryan replied, and found that he meant it. 

“Anyway. Got it drilled into his head at least that he should, you know, communicate with them if something goes wrong instead of doing that stupid thing he does where he just ignores a problem and hopes it goes away. You know that’s how he used to dump all the people he was seeing back in England? Just cut off all communication until they eventually stopped trying.”

“Jesus.”

“I know, right. Dumb kid.” There was a fondness in Geoff’s voice, though. “Ray’s not the best about that shit either. But anyway, seems like they’re all happy. I think they’ll be fine. This stuff can be hard to handle, though. Adding people. Takes a while to get the dynamic right.”

“I… would imagine so.” 

  
Ryan was beginning to feel a bit nervous. Not a bad-nervous, just - apart from Geoff’s customary goodnight spiel, he hadn’t particularly brought up his feelings for Ryan again. They’d mostly just talked about other things, even if they were both more open with each other during these nightly conversations. Directly bringing up the topic had him suddenly wondering whether Geoff was going to properly ask him for a response.

“I think if everyone just _talks_ about it it makes things a lot easier,” Geoff continued, and _oh God, is this a hint, I think it might be a hint_. “I mean, that goes for two people as well as three, but. You know. More important once more people get involved.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said. And then, a bit hesitantly, “So - in that case, have you, uh… talked to Jack about this yet?”

There was such a sudden silence on the other end of the line that for a moment he thought Geoff’s phone had cut out or they’d lost connection. But no - after a long moment he could hear Geoff breathing.

“Geoff?” he asked, tentatively.

Another moment of frozen silence.

Then Geoff said, very quietly, “...Ryan?”

“Yes?” Ryan asked, very confused.

Another long pause.

Then Geoff hung up on him.

Ryan stared at his phone. He wondered if maybe the call had been breaking up and he hadn’t heard it - didn’t know what else to think - but five minutes passed and Geoff still didn’t call him back. He considered calling himself but couldn’t quite work up the courage.

_I don’t… what…_

Had he made a mistake by bringing Jack up? Surely not - it had been a natural part of the conversation- 

Although now that he thought about it, he and Geoff had never discussed Jack in their phone conversations before; he’d simply never come up, since they didn’t directly talk about business much.

_So… what?_

He honestly could not think of what to do, of why Geoff might have suddenly reaction so strangely. Very bewildered and a little bit nervous, he spent the rest of the night running their conversation over in his head, trying to work out where he’d gone wrong and coming up blank each time.

 

* * *

 

“Geoff is hiding from you,” Gavin said, when Ryan arrived at work the next day.

“...what?” Ryan asked.

He’d woken up that morning, remembered the abrupt end to their conversation the night before, and felt just as confused as he had at the time. Part of him wanted to wait and see if Geoff just called him again tonight, but he had a strange gut feeling that something was going on here, and he thought he’d better nip it in the bud.

Gavin nodded vigorously. 

“Yep! He was all ‘if Ryan arrives don’t tell him I’m in my office tell him I will not be in the building all day’. So naturally I came to tell you immediately.” He tilted his head, staring up at Ryan. “What did he do to you?”

“...nothing…?” Ryan replied. “Don’t worry about it. I need to talk to him though.”

“Well, Jack’s gonna be in in a minute.” Gavin glanced at his phone. “So you’d better go quickly because otherwise they’re probably gonna have crazy reunion sex in Geoff’s office.” He pulled a face and Ryan nodded, heading off towards Geoff’s room.

He didn’t bother knocking, just walked straight in. Geoff was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands and when he looked up and saw Ryan he blanched. 

Ryan shut the door behind him and stepped forward. He pulled his mask off - while tempted to keep it on this was probably a conversation they should have properly face to face.

“Hi,” he started, and Geoff went from white to very, very red.

“Hi,” he replied. His voice cracked a little. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die, and Ryan frowned.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked, and Geoff started to shake his head, then nod, which only confused Ryan even more.

“Yeah, I’m fine, dude, did you need something? Lots of work to do today.”

“Why are you hiding from me?” Ryan asked.

“Dude! I’m not hiding from you,” Geoff said, and leaned back in his chair in a failed attempt to look casual.

“Gavin tells a different story,” Ryan replied, and Geoff cursed under his breath.

“Fucking Gavin.”

“You hung up on me last night,” Ryan continued, and, if possible, Geoff went even redder. “Did I… do something wrong, or something, I just… thought we should talk about it.”

His voice remained impressively calm and level, though his heart was pounding just at talking about this stuff while looking Geoff in the eye. It was a forced sort of detachment he held, the same way he got on jobs sometimes.

Geoff made a rather shrill, distressed noise at the mention of last night, and Ryan frowned, deeply confused.

“Look,” Geoff said finally, more awkward than Ryan had ever seen him before. “Ryan, I don’t know how to tell you this…. this is so fucking embarrassing, but I-”

“Geoff, why did you text me saying ‘I fucked up big time with Ryan oh my God help’?” Jack demanded, entering the room behind them.

Ryan frowned, glancing between them; Geoff looked simultaneously relieved and horrified by Jack’s appearance. As it was, Jack glanced between the two of them, looking deeply confused. Ryan could only shrug at him, confused as hell himself.

“I have no idea what is going on here,” he said, and Geoff covered his face in his hands.

“It’s all Gavin’s fault,” he said. “Just - what I’m about to tell you, remember that it is absolutely, one hundred percent Gavin’s fault. Okay?”

“O…kay?” Ryan said, still _very_ perplexed by all this.

Geoff took a deep breath. “Okay. So Jack, you know how I, um, didn’t call you the entire time you were at the safehouse?”

“I was wondering about that,” Jack said patiently.

“And Ryan, you know how I’ve, uh, been calling you every single night?” 

Ryan nodded.

Geoff took his phone out and laid it on the desk between them. “It turns out that when Gavin put the names into my phone he mixed you two up and I, uh, may have thought I was calling Jack this whole time.”

There was a moment of silence in which Ryan’s mind struggled to process this.

First, shock. Running over every conversation they’d had in his mind in light of this new information.

Then the most acute and piercing _humiliation because-_

_Oh my God-_

_Oh my fucking God-_

_Jack, he thought he was talking to_ Jack _, oh dear God he doesn’t… he doesn’t feel that way about me at all but I… but I thought… oh dear God and I asked him to lunch and I told him about my past and… fuck, fuck, this whole time_ he thought it was Jack.

_I love you._

_Every single I love you was meant for Jack. Not me_.

He could feel his face burning and quickly pulled his mask back on; Geoff’s eyes tracked the movement and he looked suddenly stricken.

“You thought I was talking to you,” he said, and Ryan scowled at him, though he couldn’t see it with the mask on now.

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I think you were talking to me? You _called_ me!”

“I know, I… last night I realised and it… it makes sense now, I suppose, you’ve been… friendlier to me recently.”

 _Friendlier_ , Ryan thought, mortified.

“Well I damn well thought you were being very friendly too!” he replied, and Geoff’s face turned an acute shade of tomato.

“Wait, how… how did you not realise as soon as he picked up the phone?” Jack asked.

“We didn’t exactly introduce ourselves upon picking up! I assumed Gav had the names right,” Geoff said.

“But we sound different!” Jack replied, and Geoff covered his face again.

“Oh my God,” Jack said, as it seemed to hit him just what had gone on. “You really… you really couldn’t tell our voices apart? _Really_ , Geoff? I know we joke about it but-”

“Look, it was over these crappy phones and I was tired and you do sound _very_ similar!” Geoff cried, defensively. 

Jack just shook his head before his resolve crumbled and he broke into fits of violent laughter. He actually had to sink into one of the chairs around Geoff’s desk, he was laughing so hard. 

Ryan couldn’t even bring himself to speak. He was stood very, very still, limbs frozen and tense. Nearly shaking with humiliation because he’d thought - he’d thought things were changing, for both of them, and he’d been _excited_ about it but here it turned out that things hadn’t changed at all, at least for Geoff, and it was all just a big, embarrassing misunderstanding.

“Oh God, I’m sorry Ryan,” Geoff said then, turning to him. “You must have been so confused.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Ryan forced out, stiffly.

“What did you say to him?” Jack asked, curiously.

Geoff’s eyes locked with Ryan’s and Ryan could _see_ the moment it hit him. Everything he’d said. Not just _I love you_ but _we’ve been through enough together. I care about you_. And how Ryan had opened up to him after that - Geoff must realise now how the words had affected him.

Ryan couldn’t breathe for a moment.

He didn’t think he’d ever felt this terrible in his whole life. Disappointed, betrayed, furious at _himself_ for… for _hoping_ , for getting ahead of himself.

“Fuck me,” he declared then, letting annoyance cover the embarrassment in his voice. “Well. I’m off to go brutally murder Gavin now.”

“Ryan, wait,” he heard Geoff start, but he couldn’t stay, couldn’t look at him a moment longer. Anger and shame rising up hot in his chest, he turned on his heel and strode out of the room.

 

* * *

 

Geoff tracked Ryan down, eventually - it was only a matter of time, he knew, he hadn’t been actively trying to disappear off the radar. It still took him a few hours, though - hours in which Ryan sat and fumed and tried not to dissolve into a puddle of complete and utter humiliation.

He felt like he’d been burned. Like dropping all his walls around Geoff had left him exposed and vulnerable and now he was _hurt_ and frantically scrabbling to get his shell back up again, to pretend this hadn’t affected him.

But it had - too much - and above everything else, the embarrassment and annoyance and all, disappointment still rang out the loudest. Like something he’d been looking forward to had been snatched away.

He was down in a little dive bar on the other side of town, hunched over a glass in the shadowiest corner he could find, when he saw Geoff enter and look around before coming over to him. Couldn’t help the way he stiffened.

Worst was the fact that despite everything, despite how he couldn’t look him in the eye and part of him wished a sinkhole would just open up beneath him and swallow him whole, a treacherous little piece of him was still oddly _glad_ to see Geoff, like he craved his company.

Geoff stood behind him for a minute, silent and hesitant, before he cautiously pulled out the chair next to Ryan and sat beside him. Ryan didn’t look up, taking another sip of his drink.

“That your first?” Geoff asked, quietly. Voice artificially tight.

“No,” Ryan replied. Then added, on impulse, “There’s nothing a little alcohol can’t fix.”

From the corner of his eye he saw Geoff give a brief quick smile. They sat in awkward silence for a moment, not looking at each other.

“Should I be worried about finding someone to replace Gavin?” Geoff asked then, and Ryan scoffed out a soft laugh.

“He’s fine. I just gave him a Chinese burn.”

Geoff laughed, startled and genuine, and Ryan started to smile - the sound making something warm lift in his chest again - before he remembered that most of their interactions, all the times he’d heard Geoff laugh tinny over the phone - it had all been _fake_ , really, hadn’t it, or at least not as real as he thought it was. His smile faded quickly after that.

“You tell him what happened?”

“God no!” Ryan replied immediately. “We’d never hear the end of it.”

“Yeah - good, you’re right.” A pause. “Jesus, Ryan, I am sorry you know. I’m a fucking idiot. I don’t know how I managed to fuck up that badly. I was like, _Jack’s been acting weird recently, I think he’s playing hard to get._ And _ooh, Ryan’s being a lot friendlier all of a sudden, wonder what that’s all about_. Just… fucking oblivious, I think I need more sleep.”

“It is a little alarming that you apparently don’t recognise the voice of the man you’ve been in a relationship with for years now.”

“Look, dude, the phones were crap and you both have very deep voices.” Geoff huffed. “God, I just - we were both fools. I’m sorry. I really am.”

He had apologised so many times by now that Ryan realised suddenly he was _waiting_ \- for him to accept it, or something, but he didn’t know what to say. ‘It’s okay’ wouldn’t come because it _wasn’t_ , he wasn’t okay - this had hit too deep with his armour down.

“It doesn’t matter now anyway,” was all he came up with, and Geoff gave a small frown.

“It matters. Of course it matters. We got closer, Ryan, you can’t deny it. Even if I didn’t know it was you, we still had those conversations. I… I liked talking to you.”

Ryan pressed his lips together, not replying. A niggling insecure doubt rose up, _you liked talking to me because you thought I was Jack_.

“Come on, dude, I… I really don’t want this to make things weird.”

“Nothing is weird,” Ryan said stiffly. “We can just pretend this never happened and let things go back to how they were. I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

“No!” Geoff snapped, so quickly that Ryan did look up at him then, a bit surprised.

“No,” Geoff repeated, oddly earnest. “I don’t want _that_ , come on. I don’t want you to go back to ignoring us all, to being… being like how you were when we first met you. Even before this whole fiasco, Ryan, I was… glad, that you seemed to like us, to not want to leave the crew. You told me this was the first time you’ve worked with other people and not left after a few weeks. And maybe I didn’t notice until now because it was a slow thing, and it’s been almost a year, but you’re so different to how you were at the start. I consider you a friend and I - I don't want to lose that. I know the others don’t either.”

Ryan stared down at the table but he couldn’t stop himself from listening intently, drinking in Geoff’s words almost greedily. 

“I liked it,” Geoff continued, “Talking to you, getting to know you - and this is all on me, okay, this is far more embarrassing for me than you.” Ryan was glad that Geoff didn’t bring his own error up - it was all about his mistake, not about what _Ryan_ had thought. He didn’t think he could talk about that right now.

“Even if I thought I was talking to Jack,” Geoff continued then. “There are still things that I meant - maybe I wouldn’t have said them to you if I’d known, but I. I still mean them.” He swallowed, hesitant, but pushed on. “Like that I care about you. And not just because you’re useful to me.”

Ryan still couldn’t look at him, but he was fairly sure that Geoff couldn’t look at him either. And his words still didn’t soothe his embarrassment, that mortification that he’d thought - he’d thought Geoff wanted him to be with him and Jack, and he’d almost let _himself_ want it in turn - but there was still something reassuring about them.

“Okay?” Geoff asked then, and Ryan nodded.

“Okay.” His voice still came out artificially flat but it was enough, for now, and when Geoff reached out and squeezed his shoulder he didn’t pull away.

 

* * *

 

Things could not go back to normal, though.

What Geoff said had helped at the time, but the minute they got back to work there was a lingering awkwardness. Ryan couldn’t look at him. Talk to him. And Geoff made some passing attempts at conversation but they were stilted, strained now, compared to how easy they had been before. Ryan swapped assignments with Michael and Ray when necessary so that he’d spend more time working on his own and less hanging around with the others. Felt a strange isolation that he never had before, even when he wasn’t with a team. He spent most nights driving around the city, unable to sleep but not wanting to sit alone in his apartment, suddenly lacking the calls that had become such a usual part of his routine. Geoff did call him one night, a few days later, but Ryan let it ring out, knowing if it was an emergency he’d follow-up text.

It was Jack who finally confronted him about it.

“You’ve been avoiding us,” he said, coming up behind Ryan one day when he was sitting alone in the base, cleaning his gun; he looked up at Jack’s approach and couldn’t help but stiffen. They hadn’t spoken much either.

“I have not been avoiding you,” he replied coolly, and Jack raised his eyebrows.

“Well, then there have been a series of inconvenient coincidences that’ve meant we see a lot less of you lately.” He sat down beside Ryan and looked at him, eyes soft. “Are you okay?”

Ryan looked away, embarrassment rising up in his gut at the other man’s pity.

“I’m fine,” he snapped, and Jack reached out and touched his arm. Didn’t let Ryan pull away when he tried.

“I mean it,” Jack said. “I know I laughed, at first, but that was all at Geoff. What happened isn’t funny if you got hurt out of it.”

“I didn’t get _hurt_ ,” Ryan snapped - except he did, and Jack knew it, and he gritted his teeth together. There was a moment of tense silence before Ryan forced himself to relax, exhaling a long slow breath.

“It _was_ kind of funny, though,” he admitted - and Jack broke into a grin.

“Trust me, I haven’t let him forget it.”

The silence was a little more pleasant then - for the first time Ryan let himself see the amusement in the situation. If it had happened to anyone else he’d probably have found it hysterical, after all.

But then Jack spoked again - “I know it’s uncomfortable, but we… kind of do have to talk about this.” And Ryan felt himself stiffen again, stomach sinking.

“About what?” he asked, and Jack sighed.

“Ryan… Geoff said he loves you half a dozen times. You must have… you must have realised something was up. Why didn’t you confront him after the first time?”

“We don’t need to talk about this,” Ryan insisted, starting to get up - but Jack caught his sleeve and tugged him back down.

“We _do.”_

Ryan swallowed, mouth very dry. “I thought he was drunk. That he didn’t remember it. And after that - hell, I didn’t know what to think. You know the conclusion I must have come to,” he added, a bit resentfully, and Jack nodded.

“I do.”

A pause.

“What if you weren’t wrong?”

“ _What_?” Ryan’s head snapped around - Jack had spoken quietly, almost tentatively, but now he took a deep breath and continued, eyes locked to Ryan’s.

“Geoff… Geoff told me a few things, now and then, when we met up even if he wasn’t calling at night. And he told me more now - about things you said to him. Ryan… I like you, you know, I’d think of us as friends. And I want to get to know you a lot better. I didn’t bring it up before because I didn’t want to push. But it sounds like even beyond the phone calls you and Geoff were getting closer - and he liked that too. You opening up to him. He wishes that hadn’t stopped. And I - I’d like it if you let me in a bit too. I know it might be hard now, after what happened. But we _both_ want to see more of you.”

Ryan was silent. He didn’t understand what this was meant to be - an invitation of some sort? - and Jack seemed to realise that.

“The rest of it… we don’t want to move too fast, or anything. None of that. But just - even if it’s awkward with Geoff, _I_ want to see you more. It’s been nearly a year now. Just think about it. Maybe we can... hang out some time.”

“Okay,” Ryan replied.

He knew what they were offering - that as with him, the thought had entered their brains now - the three of them, what could they be - but he was tentative now, wary, unsure what he wanted. 

But it was easier having Jack offer this, knowing he surely wasn’t doing it out of pity, because he wasn’t the one who’d been at fault.

And part of him - part of him already wanted to say yes.

But caution prevailed, and Jack seemed to realise that, because he nodded, and smiled, and said, “Cool. We can organise it later then.”

“Later,” Ryan said, and Jack got up and left.

Another doubt rose up - that _later_ was just a way to pacify him, to remove the awkwardness without ever planning to follow up on it - and he couldn’t quite bring himself to properly hope that this might be something more, not after what had happened. But it still had him relaxing a bit more, because Jack was nothing if not earnest and genuine - and when he saw Geoff later on, in a group meeting with the others, he held his eyes the whole time, and even returned his smile when they were done.

 

* * *

 

Things were better after that.

It took him a few days, a few tries, but eventually he settled back into something like normalcy with the others. Nowhere near as close as he’d been with Geoff before - but not pulling away, either, and he got more used to that. They didn’t bring up the phone calls again, and the embarrassment faded as he successfully tried to block it from his mind.

There were texts, now, each night from Jack. That was easier, since he didn’t have to speak, to talk to them real-time. Little things like ‘ _did you eat dinner_ ’ or ‘ _early meeting tomorrow, don’t stay up too late_ ’ or sometimes just ‘ _goodnight_ ’.   Sometimes he replied and sometimes he didn’t, but he didn’t delete any of them.

They went to lunch together one time, the three of them - Michael came along too, which successfully prevented Ryan from having to be alone with the others, but it put the thought in his head again. Because Jack had said it, hadn’t he - _what if you weren’t wrong_ \- and if anything it was _easier_ to think of it now with Jack-and-Geoff instead of _just_ Geoff; it seemed a more solid possibility, that the three of them could be - _something_ , he wasn’t sure what.

He talked to Ray one day. The two of them were on a stakeout. Ryan could have done it on his own, but Geoff had sent Ray out with him, a little gesture that stirred something like warmth in his chest.

They talked about meaningless drivel for a while before silence fell. When Ray spoke up it was abrupt, too carefully planned like he’d been mulling over the words for a while.

“At first,” he said, “With Michael and Gav, it was - I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, and neither did they.”

Ryan looked over at him carefully.

“I kept second guessing myself. Because - they were together _first_ , you know, and I didn’t… I didn’t want it to be a thing where it was them together and then me. Like I was - the extra one, you know, and the two of them were the real thing, and I was just sort of… there. Additional. That’s what I was worried about, a lot. That I was just a thing they were trying out and if it didn’t work they’d boot me out and stay together.”

“A valid concern, I would imagine,” Ryan replied - but his heart was pounding now because this wasn’t Ray spilling his heart out to him, he could tell, it was him trying to tell him something.

Ray nodded. “But it wasn’t like that - it _isn’t_ like that, and it took trying it to see it, I guess. We took it really slow at first. Didn’t tell you guys in case it didn’t work out. But it did, and I - I’m really happy now.” A smile. “ _Really_ happy.”

“I’m glad,” Ryan replied, and Ray glanced over at him. His smile widened a bit.

“I know,” he replied, and Ryan tensed a bit, because Ray was observant, he knew, and had obviously realised something was up between the Gents. But the other man turned away towards the window then, obviously not about to pry, and Ryan felt suddenly grateful for that; he had always been easy to talk to, knew when not to push.

 

* * *

 

“Ryan,” Geoff said.

Ryan paused, halfway out of the room already. They’d all stayed back late that night, finalising plans for a heist. It was dark already, and part of him wanted to get home.

Geoff and Jack were still standing by the table. Ryan hesitated in the doorway - this obviously wasn’t about work - Gavin pushed at him impatiently and he lifted his arm so the other could duck out of the room under it. That left him alone with the other two, and biting the bullet, he shut the door and went back over to them.

“No need to look so terrified,” Geoff said, and Ryan snorted.

“I’m wearing my mask. You can’t tell what I look like.”

“I can smell fear,” Geoff replied, ominously - and Ryan chuckled then, the tension gone a little.

“I mean it though,” Geoff continued. “We just wanted to know what you’re doing tomorrow night.”

Ryan paused. “...why?”

“There’s a new Thai place out near Kung Fu House,” Jack replied, very casually. “Geoff and I were gonna go check it out. Wondered if you’d like to come with.”

Ryan licked his lips, his mouth suddenly very dry.

“And maybe come over to our place after,” Geoff continued. “Just to hang,” he added quickly. “We have this sweet new curved TV, oh man, it’s awesome - you need to come check it out.”

Ryan didn’t know what to say. The invitation was obvious - they wanted to start this, to properly try… _something_ , even if that something was only becoming closer friends with him. And part of him yearned to just say _yes_ , but he couldn’t force the word out.

“Maybe,” he said, and Geoff and Jack both nodded in unison, both overly eager, overly accommodating.

“Sure,” Jack said. “Just let us know.”

Ryan nodded, and left the room, heart pounding. He took a moment to gather himself, thoughts racing, before he left the building only to pause out in the parking lot.

Michael and Ray were standing by the side of their car, kissing - Gavin watching them both with a stupidly adoring look on his face. Michael’s hands rested on Ray’s waist easily, comfortably, like this had become something familiar to them. After a moment they pulled apart, smiling at each other, then Ray turned, grabbing Gavin’s hand and tugging him in to kiss him next. Their noses bumped together and they laughed, Michael saying something Ryan didn’t catch that made Gavin swat at him indignantly. They all piled into the car after that, leaving together, and something felt tight in Ryan’s chest. Part longing, part pride at them for making it _work_ , for managing to find so much happiness in each other.

His apartment was dark and silent when he got back. That emptiness he’d never noticed before still present in every room. He moved methodically for a while; getting dressed, cleaning his weapons, taking a shower.

Couldn’t stop thinking about the other twos’ offer-

Couldn’t stop thinking about the lads-

He opened his fridge, finally - it was late and he’d almost forgotten to eat until Jack texted him asking as usual. There was nothing in there but cold stored takeaway; he hadn’t had time to cook properly all week. He stared at a box of sweet and sour pork for a few minutes before chucking it in the microwave and walking out to the living room.

 _You know what you want_.

He took out his phone, biting his lip, heart slamming - but _enough_ , he thought. Above all _enough_. He was tired of it. Enough pulling away and hiding and not letting himself _have this_ , have what he obviously wanted because he was - scared, scared that it wouldn’t work out, and Ray’s voice at the back of his mind - _it took trying it to see it, I guess_.

He began to type out a text - _I’m in for dinner tomorrow. What time?_ \- stared at it for a moment before shaking his head and deleting it.

And then pulled up Geoff in his contacts, and called instead.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts are open over on my tumblr (whalehuntingboyfriends) - there are also a couple of fics on there that I haven’t cross-posted to AO3 :)
> 
> Thanks again for the prompt! I had possibly too much fun with it >D


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